“I’ve Got It”: Empowering Female Executives to Seek Guidance

While coaching a recent cohort of female leaders, Alaina Love, CEO of Purpose Linked Consulting, saw that special moment when an idea finally clicks. The group of female leaders was talking about the practice of networking, and how reaching out to get to know people takes a lot of work, but often pays off. Love was underscoring that importance when one participant shared her revelation: “I’ve been waiting around for other people to do something for my career, but I’m responsible for my own success,” Love says the woman told the group. “She realized she had to stop waiting to get a tap on the shoulder.”

Despite the number of advances working women have made in recent decades, many of them are still reluctant to reach out – whether it’s with a specific ask, to bounce ideas off another person, or to seek a different perspective. Part of that hesitance may be due to the size of their networks. In a survey of more than 1,000 male and female executives, Stephens found that female executives tend to have smaller professional networks than male leaders at the same level, which can lead to challenges. For one, women executives' networks often are more limited by profession than their male counterparts, which provides them less expertise and counsel to call upon. Only 51% of female executives had a personal finance advisor in their network, for example, compared to 63% of male executives. And only 43% of women surveyed counted an investment banker among their professional circle, compared to 57% of men surveyed.

What’s more, the Stephens report found female leaders talk with fewer people than male leaders when making certain personal and business decisions. Men surveyed, for example, consult 5.2 people on average before deciding on a major personal investment, compared to women surveyed who consult 3.8 people on average.

Seeing such statistics isn’t surprising to Love. While women are naturally good at giving, when it comes to asking for and receiving help, they hit a roadblock. They may feel like they aren’t doing enough, or performing at a high level if they can’t do something all by themselves. “Women think they need a PhD in biometrics and circadian rhythms to sleep,” Love jokes. “They think they should know exactly how to do something before trying it.”

Men, in contrast, often figure out how to find the answers they need, Love says. Instead of defaulting to imposter syndrome – the idea that your abilities aren’t good enough – and feeling like they’re somehow a failure, men rely on their networks to help them out.

Women, of course, can do the same. Love’s network, for example, is filled with a diverse cast of characters (and is split about 60-40 male/female) who have successful skills or perspectives that she doesn't possess. “If I’m too close to something, I have people in my network who can pull up and provide a 30,000-foot view,” she says. “Or if I’m stuck, I have people who can call me on it, which is great.”

One of the best ways to expand your network is through mentors and sponsors, who can help women practice building a network, Love says. Mentors not only allow women to practice asking questions and seeking advice, but also help them learn the importance of a wider network of advisors, so they can begin to value expanding the number of people they consult before making important decisions.

It’s also helpful to understand what you’re trying to accomplish by asking for help. Sometimes, it might be something very specific: Would you mind reviewing this new website? Other times, it’s a more nuanced or subtle request that’s more about building up a relationship than reaching an end goal. This is often the case with mentors and mentees, who can provide invaluable life experience and perspectives.

If all else fails, consider this: as the woman in Love’s cohort learned, you’re responsible for your own success and you could be your own biggest barrier. “We’re often capable of much more than we think possible, but we don’t take the first step to even see what’s possible,” she says. “Sometimes you just need to pick one thing to do and start there.” The rest will reveal itself.